This post is really for the wives! I am going to do a 3 part series on this. Do stay tuned!
I must first say that I am not perfect, nor am I qualified to blog on this subject. But I put this header because I know this title is going to get your attention. Gotcha! I had my fair share of troubles until God’s Word helped me so much in our relationship, just as it was about to break, so many times along the way. As I said before and I will say it again, it is always better to do it God’s way. Before the psychologists and scientists, God already knows! He just don’t “explain” the way the modern scholars does. I am just going to share what I learnt from the Bible with you.
The core of being a good wife, is really love. In fact, God, is love. Love makes the world go round, right? The reason why I want to be a good wife, is because I love my husband! If you think you are empty and running out of love, you probably need Jesus. We can’t run on empty fuel tank! Don’t forget that we married a man, not God. He isn’t perfect, and I don’t think we should expect him to be. Anyway, even if he was perfect, after he married us, he became imperfect! Oh no!
Love, is not all about mushy feelings. If you expect that it is so, you are probably watching too much movies, TV, or reading those hopeless romance books. Hello, wake up, please come back to the real world. Love is not about being swept off your feet, but a firm commitment to give your best for the subject whom you are loving. I am going to list you some practical ways I learnt from the Bible, how to love your husband.
1. Submit in everything. Yes. Everything!
Ephesians 5:22,23 (NASB) Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Colossians 3:18 (NASB) Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it is fitting in the Lord.
Submit to DH as much as you would submit to the Lord Jesus! If you are not, then you are really disobeying God. =) Make sense?
I am not saying you lose your individuality or anything and become like a docile pet. You are not. You are a co-heir. You are every bit smarter than he is (At least I think so!), since he is version 1.0 and you are 1.1. Women were made later right? I’m sure God made some “improvements”. =) Even if women were smarter, God’s Word says we must submit. It could be because, he is more level-headed than us. The women always tend to be easily deceived. Just read Genesis 3 how Eve was deceived by the serpent, and also 1 Tim 2:11-15 why women should not teach nor exercise authority over men in the church* So a woman can play an advisor role, and I’m quite sure a smart husband is one that listens to and heeds his wife’s advice. Don’t forget, since God is making DH the head of the household, God is holding DH responsible for you and the children. Don’t try to take this role from him, you won’t be able to bear the burden, nor do yourself good (most likely you will become stressed and unhappy because you are running everybody’s life), nor be doing your children any good.
* I think that women can instruct men (Priscilla and Aquila instructed Apollos in Acts 18:24-28), but not in a church setting whereby the order of headship has to be clear. (1 Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-33) In that sense, I am also not for women pastors. In the church setting, women may only instruct / teach children or other women.
2. Make it your goal to help him.
Actually, in my opinion (I believe I am in the Lord), that this is the ONLY LIFE GOAL you need to have if you were married to a man. Nothing else. Not your career nor your children. Most likely the man will reciprocate this love by loving his wife as much as himself, or even more. =)
Genesis 2:20 (NASB) but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, this is not bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
1 Corinthians 11:9 (NASB) For indeed the man was not created for the woman’s sake, but woman for the man’s sake.
Please note that it does not mean women are inferior!!! Just read the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 11, we are interdependent!
I think it can really help up lift this burden and struggle deep in our hearts when we go out to work, how our children are being left in the care of others when we know we are supposed to be there for them. I think a Godly husband will put the spiritual well being of his family and children first. That would mean, delegating mommy to impart God to them while he is away at work. Read Deuteronomy 6.
If you think God called you to be a doctor or teacher or accountant or do something noble but at odds with your husband’s agenda, (although out of love for you, he will let you be, and even encourage you), maybe you can ask husband again, what he really wants you to do. Most likely you heard wrongly about your calling. Possibly that it is only your own agenda, but because it is noble, you think it is God’s. Go back and ask God again, since God never contradict Himself.
What are the areas he needs your help? Is it to bring home the bacon? Is it to discipline the children? Is it to manage the home? Do all these, in the attitude of helping him, under his authority and delegation.
3. Don’t nag.
Proverbs 19:13 (NASB) the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping
Proverbs 27: 15 (NASB) A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike
Proverbs 21:19 (NASB) It is better to live in a desert land, than with a contentious and vexing woman.
Say ONLY what you mean, and say it ONLY ONCE. If you don’t mean it, better not say it. Don’t beat around the bush either. If you needed him to do something, and he doesn’t do it, it probably didn’t matter to him. So it shouldn’t matter to you. At least, not at that point of time. See point 2. If he genuinely forgot something that needs to be done, such as forgot to pay the bills, don’t try to run his life. Let it be. He is an adult and not a child. Why shoulder another burden when you need to care for the children already? The worst case? Fines and the utilities get cut. Let natural consequences do the reminding. He will feel painful (about the fines or whatever the consequences) and he will try hard not to forget or do something to prevent it from reoccurring. You can suggest after some time: “do you need me to help remind you on this date on every month that you need to pay your credit card”, or, “do you need me to help arrange for GIRO?”. Take note not to suggest things that will add to your chores and burden yourself unnecessarily. Concentrate on the home and nurturing the children. My opinion is that we let the husbands worry about the finances, even if you think he is bad with money, since he is the breadwinner. Even if you are earning more, remember that you are helping him. See point 2. God expects him to support the family (1 Tim 5:8) and holds him responsible, not you. So, respect his final decisions about where the money goes, even if you earned it. Again, see point 1. Chances are, he just handles it differently from you. (BTW, please don’t be worried that you won’t get to spend anything for yourself because he will be generous to you, more than you expect, if you request a reasonable “luxury” within his budget such as a new bag or dress or a hair-do, because, he loves you more when you love him!)
As forgetful about bills and payments WM may be, he haven’t forgotten to give me weekly the amount I request from him to buy groceries and to market. The worst? I’d starve, or just live off whatever’s left in the fridge. But I won’t die without a day’s food. If ever this was so, I’m sure he won’t let it happen again. =)
Alrighty, this is all I have for part 1, I hope you enjoyed and encouraged you. Part 2 will be coming soon! =)